Two drunks take Tommy Castro hostage

It's a late Tuesday night at the Slippery Noodle, listening to Tommy Castro rock the joint, and Mark Wayne keeps referring to his daughter's new slight, dark, and monarchist boyfriend from Jordan as "Achmed". I tell him to cut that shit out. I tell her I rather like veils on women and some of my favorite people are monarchists. She isn't laughing when she says the boyfriend isn't a monarchist -- or an islamicist -- and she won't be wearing a veil and she doesn't want kids.

Later I tell Mark Wayne that she is beautiful and smart but if she marries the fellow, she might end up wearing a veil AND becoming muslim AND have kids (well, okay, THAT we would like). That's the problem with non-Muslim America and Middle Easterners. Middle Easterners don't assimilate and become Democrats in their youth and Republicans in middle age. When they marry a non-Muslim American, the non-Muslim converts and becomes a Muslim and a Middle Easterner and we just pray to Jesus they still live in Indianapolis and not Aman.

Mark Wayne pales. But it could be because he is drunk as hell and coming toward us is Tommy Castro. Suddenly Mark Wayne knows him personally and we hold the man hostage for a picture. We love Soul Shaker, Tommy! The Fabulous One neither has to become a Hoosier or conservative convert to be released but he probably has to tell us he loves us. Can't remember exactly. Another night in the Middle West.