Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Rod Dreher and the charm police



Rod Dreher thinks you are just not charming enough. You just don't have enough style! You don't know what's important in life! And, he does! His book, Crunchy Cons, leaves absolutely no doubt that. Dreher, an utter elitist, is also on his way to being a liberal, if he hasn't already arrived.

Rod Dreher doesn't know any ordinary Americans and, like liberals, he neither wants to know them nor needs to because, hell, he's special. Because he has been blessed with this special sense of style and love of life (I bet Dreher knows that French phrase .... don't I wish I were him!), Dreher knows that Americans don't know how to eat, where to live, how to entertain themselves, or, most especially, how to raise their families. Fortunately, he does know! And he's willing to tell us! Oh joy!

And he does just that in a book that is certainly the all-time greatest exposition of an insufferable idiot.

Like liberals, Dreher imagines himself deep but, in fact, he is so shallow that he can only focus on his narrow little life. Talking about food (oh, yes, Dreher knows you don't know how to eat), Dreher tells us: Wow! Organic food is really really tasty. And, hey, CONSERVATIVES DON'T KNOW THIS! Well, uh, bulletin, pal... we conservatives grow our veggies ourselves. Don't use anything but dirt and a hoe. Guess that makes them ORGANIC, eh? If you weren't so busy playing with your city pals, you could be growing ORGANIC veggies yourself instead of paying three times as much as they are worth.

Architecture, is big with Dreher. Now, remember, Dreher is a member of a church (Roman Catholic) that has been busy destroying every gothic structure in the United States of America for the last 30 years and replacing them with double wide trailers. Dreher seems utterly insensible to this and, instead, waxes rapturous over the glories of church architecture. He wants everyone to have a church just like the one that his church is tearing down. Second, he thinks everyone will feel WAAAAAY more holy there. Cough. No you aren't materialistic, bud. Say, pal, I'm going to believe in God and I'm gonna feel God without a freaking gothic church and millions of people do just that. Maybe you need the building, but our God doesn't.

But the line that got me -- finally got me -- was this piece of work about people's homes in the U.S.: "...the utilitarian sameness of row after row speaks a language of monotony."

Hey Moron... drive down one of those streets one time and even you will have to notice that each home is an explosion of an individual's own interests. Not YOUR interests, of course, so they won't be interesting to YOU, but be assured they are interesting to them. Every home can't be a architectural wonderment. If it were, only idiots like you would have homes. But fortunately, we can all afford something. We can all make it what we want, even if you think it is monotonous and not "charming" enough. And, in the backyard, we can grow "organic" veggies and sell them to morons like you for triple the grocery store price.

Rod Dreher is a perfect idiot. I don't care how he wants to live his life and, because I am a conservative, I want only one thing from him. I want him to ignore me. Don't try to change me, improve me, lecture me, or make me you. Just leave me the hell alone. That, my friend, is the essence of conservatism.

6 Comments:

Blogger hoosierboy said...

A Fing Men

12:12 AM  
Blogger Pamela said...

I remember meeting people like this when I was a kid..
my brother always said "Oh, he thinks he's a cool head, but not everyone likes cold toilet seats."

You did a good job with the flush! Thank you....I won't bother to read the book.

1:01 AM  
Blogger Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

San Francisco is full to the brim with people like this creep. If I never meet another one like him, I'll die happy.

This was my kind of rant - just delicious. I especially liked: "...we conservatives grow our veggies ourselves..."

And your summation was perfect: "...because I am a conservative, I want only one thing from him. I want him to ignore me. Don't try to change me, improve me, lecture me, or make me you. Just leave me the hell alone. That, my friend, is the essence of conservatism."

I wish I'd written that and, if you see it on my blog one day, you can accuse me of plagiarism as long as you forgive me. :)

1:09 AM  
Blogger Fish said...

"Rod Dreher is a perfect idiot. "

Don't be silly. Nobody is perfect, but he comes close it would seem.

9:02 AM  
Blogger white trash republican said...

Beautiful!
That made my morning. I'll be grinning 'til noon, at least.

Does he propose that his elitist pals all chip in and help finance our elevation to their enlightened state? (it costs alot to have a narrow mind, I can't afford it.)
Then we all could be "equals"!
Oops, stupid me, I forgot, in their world some are more equal than others.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Pauli said...

Excellent observations -- loved the composite graphic. I don't suppose you care what Dreher thinks about 9/11, but you might want to check this out.

9:58 AM  

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